1
00:00:01,127 --> 00:00:04,755
Stealing Han's dishes, so we don't
have to clean ours at home is genius.

2
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,800
And a little sad.

3
00:00:08,801 --> 00:00:10,844
You kidding? This is the greatest
thing that's happened to me

4
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:12,596
since I got my period this morning.

5
00:00:14,140 --> 00:00:16,725
Max, Caroline,
you're stealing my dishes?

6
00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:19,103
Damn it, I didn't think
you could see up this high.

7
00:00:20,896 --> 00:00:22,690
And I didn't think
you could sink this low.

8
00:00:23,649 --> 00:00:25,443
Okay, stop, you're already
robbing me blind

9
00:00:25,609 --> 00:00:27,445
with your "I'm a waitress" scam.

10
00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:30,948
Sorry, but things have gotten
kind of messy at home.

11
00:00:31,115 --> 00:00:34,452
Yesterday, I had to take a shower
to shower off the shower I took.

12
00:00:35,953 --> 00:00:37,455
You two should get a cleaning lady.

13
00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:39,832
I have a woman I pay
to clean my apartment.

14
00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:41,959
She is expensive,
but she may charge you less

15
00:00:42,126 --> 00:00:44,420
if you don't also have sex on her.

16
00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:53,971
I'll look into it.

17
00:00:54,305 --> 00:00:56,765
My grandmother cleaned
the house free of charge.

18
00:00:57,350 --> 00:00:59,310
Of course she didn't have
a say in the matter.

19
00:01:02,313 --> 00:01:04,607
Let's just ask Sophie.
She has a cleaning service.

20
00:01:04,773 --> 00:01:06,024
We have to do something.

21
00:01:06,192 --> 00:01:08,986
Yesterday, I saw a roach
walk out of our apartment.

22
00:01:10,321 --> 00:01:12,531
Look. I'm gonna tell you
what I told that guy

23
00:01:12,698 --> 00:01:15,326
who asked me to use my butt
to smuggle opium.

24
00:01:16,660 --> 00:01:18,121
I'll do it!

25
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,582
♪ (THEME MUSIC) ♪

26
00:01:21,832 --> 00:01:23,334
(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

27
00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:34,887
Be ready, Max. We have to leave as
soon as the cleaning lady gets here.

28
00:01:35,053 --> 00:01:36,430
It's housekeeper etiquette.

29
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:38,557
In my old life, I go to spin class
and lunch with friends,

30
00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:40,518
but you and I will just go outside

31
00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:42,270
and watch the guy
who just got out of jail

32
00:01:42,353 --> 00:01:43,729
do pull-ups on the light post.

33
00:01:45,856 --> 00:01:47,358
Calvin's out?

34
00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:52,696
I'm not gonna leave.
I want to watch her clean up my mess.

35
00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:57,535
Yeah, baby.

36
00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:01,205
I've waited my whole life
to have a servant.

37
00:02:01,372 --> 00:02:03,040
I thought you were gonna be it
for the first few weeks

38
00:02:03,207 --> 00:02:05,209
and then I realized
you can't do anything.

39
00:02:06,084 --> 00:02:07,127
(KNOCKING)

40
00:02:07,211 --> 00:02:08,754
And even though Sophie
gave us a discount,

41
00:02:08,921 --> 00:02:11,382
the maid still has to call me
"Your Highness."

42
00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:14,385
Mostly because I'm pretty
"highness" right now.

43
00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:17,721
(POLISH ACCENT) Hi, girls.

44
00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:22,935
Here I am. Sophie from
Sophie's Choice Cleaning Service.

45
00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:25,729
Meet your cleaning lady Paulina.

46
00:02:25,896 --> 00:02:27,398
Paulina, meet the girls.

47
00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:28,399
(GRUNTS)

48
00:02:29,608 --> 00:02:32,736
She'd shake hands,
but she only has one arm.

49
00:02:33,404 --> 00:02:34,988
Sophie, she can hear you.

50
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:36,907
So what?
I know I'm missing arm.

51
00:02:37,074 --> 00:02:38,951
It's not news.

52
00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:40,744
So she lost an arm.

53
00:02:40,911 --> 00:02:42,913
I lost my gold earring
down the garbage disposal

54
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:47,751
but I was too afraid to reach into it
because, well, yeah.

55
00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:56,594
Don't worry.

56
00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:59,347
I have one arm but I clean
like I have three.

57
00:03:00,264 --> 00:03:02,182
I put on more makeup, then I start.

58
00:03:02,933 --> 00:03:05,269
I'm sorry. I didn't realize
when I ordered a cleaning lady

59
00:03:05,436 --> 00:03:07,771
I had to specify
I wanted one with two arms.

60
00:03:08,314 --> 00:03:10,608
You can't afford two arms.

61
00:03:11,275 --> 00:03:13,026
You said you wanted a good price.

62
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:15,195
Half the arms, half the price.

63
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:17,948
Is that how she lost
the arm, Sophie?

64
00:03:18,115 --> 00:03:20,117
You cut it off
so we could get a discount?

65
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:24,830
Yeah, sure. I sawed off her arm
so I could save you ten bucks.

66
00:03:27,291 --> 00:03:28,709
I start in bedroom.

67
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:30,628
Wait, before you do, one question.

68
00:03:30,794 --> 00:03:33,297
How'd you lose it?
James Franco situation?

69
00:03:33,464 --> 00:03:35,341
You had to cut it off to get loose?

70
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,135
You're not saying no.

71
00:03:38,511 --> 00:03:40,638
You know what, let's not go there.

72
00:03:40,804 --> 00:03:43,307
You know, it happened,
it was in the past.

73
00:03:43,974 --> 00:03:45,726
I was trapped under this big truck.

74
00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:47,311
We get it.

75
00:03:47,478 --> 00:03:49,313
I drove over your arm.

76
00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:56,654
Hey, don't even bother looking
for my good jewelry in there

77
00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:59,156
because I'm already
wearing all of it.

78
00:03:59,657 --> 00:04:04,412
Oh, I'm jealous. I don't have arm
to wear cheap jewelry.

79
00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:13,337
Max, I feel bad for her.
See? This is why you leave.

80
00:04:13,504 --> 00:04:16,006
In case they show up with too much
makeup and not enough arms.

81
00:04:16,674 --> 00:04:20,260
Relax, she's tough.
Reminds me of a young me.

82
00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:22,262
Which means I better go
hide my pills from her.

83
00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:24,264
Max, don't leave.
She scares me.

84
00:04:24,432 --> 00:04:26,183
Come on, she's armless.

85
00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,273
Everything okay?
You need any help?

86
00:04:33,441 --> 00:04:36,777
I didn't get this far
in this business by taking help.

87
00:04:39,405 --> 00:04:42,450
Help me!
Can't you see I got one arm?

88
00:04:43,576 --> 00:04:46,036
Not gonna be a problem.
I would occasionally help my maid....

89
00:04:46,704 --> 00:04:49,039
-You're not interested.
-Lift!

90
00:04:49,373 --> 00:04:51,542
Lift, weak girl. Lift.

91
00:04:51,875 --> 00:04:53,794
Max, come here.
We need help lifting your mattress.

92
00:04:53,961 --> 00:04:55,295
Can you give us a hand?

93
00:04:55,463 --> 00:04:58,882
No! Leave it alone! Leave it alone!
Don't lift up the mattress!

94
00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:01,594
Ah, porno.

95
00:05:03,095 --> 00:05:06,306
Your mind is as dirty
as your apartment!

96
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,727
Yes, it's porn. So what?
What's the big deal?

97
00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:11,937
It's just the body
in its natural form,

98
00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:14,231
spread-eagle on a motorcycle.

99
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:16,650
Why is so much of it from the '80s?

100
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:18,736
I like mustaches, okay?

101
00:05:18,902 --> 00:05:21,405
And it's multitasking.
I'm looking for my father.

102
00:05:21,905 --> 00:05:24,074
Stop looking.
Stop looking right now.

103
00:05:24,241 --> 00:05:28,120
Why are you suddenly embarrassed?
Porn Hub is your homepage.

104
00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:31,832
Is this a brochure for pastry school?

105
00:05:32,416 --> 00:05:34,835
Why are you hiding
a pastry school brochure?

106
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,920
Your face is
a pastry school brochure!

107
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:42,134
Max, it's great you're
interested in pastry school.

108
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:44,845
-I don't know why you're embarrassed.
-Your face is embarrassed!

109
00:05:45,429 --> 00:05:47,931
Come on, I really think that this is
something we should talk about.

110
00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:50,100
Your face is something
we should talk about!

111
00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:53,437
You made the scary one mad.

112
00:05:53,937 --> 00:05:55,648
That was dumb move.

113
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:57,775
Your face was a dumb move!

114
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:05,949
Max? Max, you never came home
after you stormed out,

115
00:06:06,116 --> 00:06:08,536
so I brought you your uniform.
Max?

116
00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:11,955
I live here now.

117
00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:14,792
My new roommates,
the broom and the mop,

118
00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:17,377
don't sneak around
looking at my stuff.

119
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:21,674
I got everything I need.
Whiskey, toothbrush, toothpaste.

120
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:25,302
Well, maybe your new broommate

121
00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:27,471
will hold back your hair
when you drink too much.

122
00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:29,723
Which, from the looks of it,
will be in about an hour.

123
00:06:30,808 --> 00:06:32,685
Max, we really need
to talk about this brochure.

124
00:06:32,851 --> 00:06:35,395
Look, just because I have
a pastry school brochure

125
00:06:35,563 --> 00:06:38,148
doesn't mean I'm actually
gonna go to pastry school.

126
00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:39,650
Just like having
those porn magazines

127
00:06:39,817 --> 00:06:42,069
doesn't mean I'm actually
gonna ride around on a tiger

128
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:44,863
performing unspeakable acts
with sailors, probably.

129
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:50,243
Pastry school is the same as porn.
It's just a dumb fantasy.

130
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:52,245
Pastry school is not like porn.

131
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:55,749
There is nothing in this brochure
about a girl-on-girl croissant.

132
00:06:57,835 --> 00:07:00,003
That's good toothpaste.

133
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:03,173
Please stop brushing your teeth.
We have a shift to do later.

134
00:07:03,549 --> 00:07:05,342
Okay, the Manhattan
School of Pastry....

135
00:07:05,509 --> 00:07:07,595
Your face is the Manhattan
School of Pastry.

136
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,262
You know it isn't.

137
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:12,099
Max, you could go here for real.

138
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:15,686
Tuition is only $3,000 a year.
A lot, but doable.

139
00:07:15,853 --> 00:07:17,521
"A lot but doable"?

140
00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:21,274
Are we talking about pastry school
or fat guy at last call?

141
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,362
(ELEVATOR DINGS)

142
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,866
Here we are, Max.
Your dream starts now.

143
00:07:29,032 --> 00:07:30,868
What, the one where
I'm a black mermaid?

144
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:36,123
Would you relax? We're just gonna
look around and get an application.

145
00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:39,251
See all that gorgeous equipment
you get to use if you went here?

146
00:07:39,710 --> 00:07:42,546
Finally you'd have a mixing bowl
that's not a hollowed-out watermelon.

147
00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:43,714
(KNOCKING)

148
00:07:43,756 --> 00:07:46,049
Can you help me?
She's holding me against my will.

149
00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:48,552
She's kidding.

150
00:07:48,719 --> 00:07:51,555
If you keep this up, young lady,
you are not getting ice cream after.

151
00:07:51,889 --> 00:07:53,641
Fine!

152
00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:55,559
Come on, here's the office.

153
00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:58,562
Whatever. Are we almost done here?
I got a court date later.

154
00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:01,398
-Hi.
-Hi.

155
00:08:01,732 --> 00:08:02,775
Hi.

156
00:08:03,901 --> 00:08:05,235
Hi.

157
00:08:06,403 --> 00:08:08,280
I'm not sure we're
in the right place.

158
00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:10,407
Are any of us, really?

159
00:08:12,910 --> 00:08:14,787
We'd like an application.
Could you help us?

160
00:08:14,953 --> 00:08:17,080
Oh, God, I hope so.

161
00:08:18,248 --> 00:08:21,001
I wasn't expecting something this
high-pressure my first day back.

162
00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:25,338
Let's just say I've been under
observation at the nuthouse.

163
00:08:26,632 --> 00:08:28,759
Okay, application.

164
00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:32,596
It's for Max, here. She was
very impressed by your brochure.

165
00:08:32,763 --> 00:08:35,599
Oh, pastry school. Exciting, right?

166
00:08:35,766 --> 00:08:38,602
I was a chef here once.
And then I wasn't.

167
00:08:44,692 --> 00:08:46,777
Oh, look.
Found the application.

168
00:08:46,944 --> 00:08:49,947
Wow. Really didn't think I was
gonna be able to handle that.

169
00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:51,782
Bebe, if you....

170
00:08:51,949 --> 00:08:54,827
Oh. Bonjour. Good morning.

171
00:08:55,661 --> 00:08:57,329
Uh...

172
00:08:58,622 --> 00:09:01,166
Chef Nicolas, these girls
are here for an application.

173
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:05,045
Don't worry, I handled it.
Almost didn't, then I did.

174
00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:06,964
Nice work, Bebe.

175
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:10,050
Oh, do I detect a French accent?
Oui?

176
00:09:10,718 --> 00:09:12,552
Oh, my God, I can't watch.

177
00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:15,848
French, indeed.
I'm chef Nicolas Saintcroix,

178
00:09:16,014 --> 00:09:18,141
owner and head chef.
Bienvenue.

179
00:09:18,308 --> 00:09:21,144
Caroline Channing.
(SPEAKS BROKEN FRENCH)

180
00:09:23,731 --> 00:09:25,148
Is it over yet?

181
00:09:25,482 --> 00:09:27,150
This is Max.
The application's for her.

182
00:09:27,317 --> 00:09:29,361
S'up, Frenchie?
You eat snails?

183
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:31,697
It looks like Bebe
forgot the second page.

184
00:09:31,864 --> 00:09:34,700
Oh, boy, forgot the second page.
That's not good.

185
00:09:34,867 --> 00:09:36,994
I thought I handled it.
Didn't handle it.

186
00:09:37,535 --> 00:09:39,412
It's okay, Bebe. Breathe in.

187
00:09:40,538 --> 00:09:41,915
Breathe out.

188
00:09:42,875 --> 00:09:45,043
That's good stuff.

189
00:09:46,712 --> 00:09:48,338
She was quite brilliant.

190
00:09:48,505 --> 00:09:50,048
Then she wasn't.

191
00:09:51,424 --> 00:09:54,552
Here. Fill that out.
And the next step is the pastry exam.

192
00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:56,388
Applicants will have
to make a classic tart,

193
00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:58,348
bring them in tomorrow
for me to taste,

194
00:09:58,515 --> 00:10:00,768
and we will go from there.
Sound good?

195
00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:03,687
Whatever.
Maybe I'll think about it.

196
00:10:04,062 --> 00:10:07,691
Okay, well, maybe you will.
Nice meeting you both.

197
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,905
Hope to see you tomorrow, chef.

198
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:16,909
He called me chef!

199
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,537
-Yay! Let's go get ice cream!
-No!

200
00:10:20,704 --> 00:10:23,373
You should get started on that tart.
It's due tomorrow.

201
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:26,710
I got plenty of time.
Besides, pressure ups my game.

202
00:10:26,877 --> 00:10:28,461
I perform my best
when there's a gun to my head.

203
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,463
Ask any of my ex-boyfriends.

204
00:10:31,048 --> 00:10:33,133
This is so not
how I prepare for tests.

205
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:35,552
I studied three weeks
for a pap smear.

206
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:36,553
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

207
00:10:38,055 --> 00:10:39,597
Don't worry, I got this.

208
00:10:41,558 --> 00:10:44,144
A tart's just like a cookie
with some pudding on it, right?

209
00:10:51,068 --> 00:10:52,610
(COUGHING)

210
00:10:54,905 --> 00:10:56,782
Max, what is going on in here?

211
00:10:56,949 --> 00:10:59,743
Turns out a tart's more than
a cookie with some pudding on it!

212
00:11:01,829 --> 00:11:04,622
You've been in here six hours.
You said you had this.

213
00:11:04,957 --> 00:11:07,167
I thought I had this!
Turns out I don't!

214
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:08,418
I haven't even finished a shell.

215
00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:11,004
I didn't know there was a shell.
Did you know there was a shell?

216
00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:13,256
Everybody knows there's a shell!

217
00:11:13,423 --> 00:11:15,843
What the shell is wrong with you?

218
00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:18,178
I'm a tart who can't make a tart!

219
00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:22,265
You could've made
nine shells by now.

220
00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:24,810
I did.
They're all in here. Look.

221
00:11:24,977 --> 00:11:26,353
It's like shell-mageddon!

222
00:11:27,938 --> 00:11:29,481
Oh, screw it. This one's
gonna be there in a minute.

223
00:11:29,647 --> 00:11:30,774
Let's just get it over with.

224
00:11:30,941 --> 00:11:34,319
No, you can do this. Here.
This still looks ready to go.

225
00:11:34,945 --> 00:11:37,322
Look at me. Look at me.
I'm a waste of two arms.

226
00:11:41,785 --> 00:11:43,286
I can't make a tart!

227
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:45,122
How's the tart coming?

228
00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:49,501
Han, you're not safe.
Leave.

229
00:11:49,835 --> 00:11:52,796
You haven't even finished the shell?
That's the easiest part!

230
00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:55,715
Han, this is your face.

231
00:11:57,675 --> 00:11:59,302
Well, I should get going.

232
00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:02,014
I didn't know she could take bitch
to the next level.

233
00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:09,312
I am so screwed!

234
00:12:09,479 --> 00:12:12,482
I finally found a situation
my boobs can't get me out of!

235
00:12:13,025 --> 00:12:16,736
Hey, Max. I have all
the faith in the world in you.

236
00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:20,657
But here's a tart from Stop 'n Shop
in case you want to hand this one in.

237
00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:23,160
No, Earl.
Max is not a cheater.

238
00:12:23,326 --> 00:12:25,245
BOTH: Since when?

239
00:12:26,163 --> 00:12:28,040
She is going to make her own tart.

240
00:12:28,206 --> 00:12:29,749
You, out.

241
00:12:31,543 --> 00:12:35,172
I am never gonna make this shell.
I can't even get it in the pan right.

242
00:12:35,338 --> 00:12:36,924
Max, that looks right.

243
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:40,052
Oh, my God! I got it in the pan right
! I can do this!

244
00:12:40,218 --> 00:12:42,220
You did it! I knew it!
I helped you. We're besties.

245
00:12:42,387 --> 00:12:44,014
You're not safe. Leave.

246
00:12:50,979 --> 00:12:54,983
I'm telling you, Max, I've tasted a
lot of tarts, and yours is delicious.

247
00:12:55,317 --> 00:12:57,402
You are not the first man
to tell me that.

248
00:12:57,986 --> 00:13:00,197
The first man
to tell me that is in jail.

249
00:13:02,032 --> 00:13:04,201
Here he comes. Look at him.
Here he comes.

250
00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:07,204
Afternoon, ladies.

251
00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:09,706
Bien fondue, Eiffel Tower.

252
00:13:10,833 --> 00:13:12,000
Okay.

253
00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:14,669
Thank you for coming.
Shall we begin the tasting?

254
00:13:15,212 --> 00:13:16,504
This is exciting, huh?

255
00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:19,049
Uh...

256
00:13:20,217 --> 00:13:22,052
Keep it in your pants.

257
00:13:22,845 --> 00:13:25,055
And now for the tart.
It's Max's first ever.

258
00:13:25,222 --> 00:13:26,764
I ate a slice earlier and it was like

259
00:13:26,890 --> 00:13:29,392
(BAD FRENCH ACCENT)
having a little piece of heaven.

260
00:13:31,061 --> 00:13:33,063
Don't do anything you're doing.

261
00:13:34,356 --> 00:13:36,399
It's flaky, creamy.

262
00:13:37,109 --> 00:13:39,777
For a first attempt,
I am very impressed.

263
00:13:40,237 --> 00:13:41,864
Don't be. I made a tart.

264
00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:43,365
It's not like I cured herpes

265
00:13:43,531 --> 00:13:46,409
or invented a reverse microwave
to instantly chill sodas.

266
00:13:48,036 --> 00:13:49,079
Okay, Max.

267
00:13:49,246 --> 00:13:53,208
I will talk it over with my faculty
and we will let you know.

268
00:13:53,375 --> 00:13:55,585
I'll let you know.

269
00:13:57,712 --> 00:13:59,589
Nailed that.

270
00:14:04,094 --> 00:14:07,931
Max! Stop stealing my things!
You got a cleaning lady!

271
00:14:08,098 --> 00:14:10,558
Relax.
I am returning what I took.

272
00:14:10,725 --> 00:14:11,935
Here's your plates.

273
00:14:12,102 --> 00:14:14,562
Oh, and here's your ATM card.
I lifted it from your wallet.

274
00:14:16,648 --> 00:14:18,275
Oh, and here's your wallet.

275
00:14:19,276 --> 00:14:21,111
There was $40 in here.

276
00:14:21,278 --> 00:14:23,238
There sure was.

277
00:14:24,322 --> 00:14:27,075
At least give me back
my gift card from Sephora.

278
00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:31,246
Caroline, Han wants
his Sephora gift card back.

279
00:14:31,413 --> 00:14:33,748
Oh, that's not happening.
It's already on my face.

280
00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:36,793
Max, look,
it's from the pastry school.

281
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:39,087
Whoo-hoo!
My acceptance letter!

282
00:14:39,296 --> 00:14:42,257
Lot of people talking about
my chili in that bathroom.

283
00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:46,929
Oleg, come here.
Han, Earl, stay.

284
00:14:47,095 --> 00:14:49,097
You guys are about to owe me big.

285
00:14:49,264 --> 00:14:52,017
I am gonna let you witness
something extremely rare.

286
00:14:52,184 --> 00:14:55,353
More rare than a sighting of Bigfoot
or a UFO or Han's penis.

287
00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:59,107
You held me here
so I could hear that?

288
00:15:00,275 --> 00:15:02,485
Behold, the rarest
sight of them all.

289
00:15:02,652 --> 00:15:05,447
You are about to see something
good actually happen to me.

290
00:15:05,613 --> 00:15:07,115
Listen to this.

291
00:15:07,282 --> 00:15:09,492
"Dear Ms. Black,
after careful consideration

292
00:15:09,659 --> 00:15:12,704
of our large pool of applicants,
we regret to inform you...."

293
00:15:14,372 --> 00:15:16,291
Oh, I guess I didn't get in.

294
00:15:21,463 --> 00:15:23,298
Looking back,
we probably should have insisted

295
00:15:23,465 --> 00:15:25,675
she read that to herself, first.

296
00:15:26,801 --> 00:15:29,637
I know why she didn't get in.
Her name.

297
00:15:29,804 --> 00:15:32,515
They saw the word "Black"
and stopped reading.

298
00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:35,685
That's why I didn't
get into law school.

299
00:15:36,478 --> 00:15:38,313
I also didn't apply.

300
00:15:40,023 --> 00:15:42,484
This is terrible.
I'm gonna go see if she's okay.

301
00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:44,987
Who does that French frog
think he is?

302
00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:47,572
He thinks he can have the time
of his life tasting my tart

303
00:15:47,739 --> 00:15:49,824
and then never see me again?

304
00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:53,703
He won't let me into his school?
Well, I won't take no for an answer.

305
00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:56,831
I am going down there right now
and giving him a piece of my mind.

306
00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:58,541
I am storming out.

307
00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:02,004
And I am storming back in.

308
00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:04,381
It is dark outside.
That school's not open.

309
00:16:10,220 --> 00:16:12,722
Hey, you.
Tart tease, we need a word.

310
00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:14,182
Oh, boy.

311
00:16:14,349 --> 00:16:16,393
What? You love my pastries

312
00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:19,187
and then regret to inform me
I'm not good enough for your school?

313
00:16:19,354 --> 00:16:22,399
Well, I regret to inform you
that I am good enough

314
00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:24,234
and I want to know why
you won't let me in here.

315
00:16:24,401 --> 00:16:26,361
Okay, uh...

316
00:16:26,528 --> 00:16:28,238
Your voice is
an anxiety trigger for me.

317
00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:30,865
I'm going to have to remove myself
from the situation

318
00:16:31,033 --> 00:16:32,409
and go sit in the hallway.

319
00:16:34,577 --> 00:16:37,539
Can you come with me?
You have a very calming presence.

320
00:16:38,290 --> 00:16:40,750
Thank you.
So few people think that about me.

321
00:16:40,917 --> 00:16:42,252
But I should stay with Max.

322
00:16:42,419 --> 00:16:44,379
No, I got this handled.
You can have her.

323
00:16:44,462 --> 00:16:46,423
This is the last time
you give me to someone.

324
00:16:48,425 --> 00:16:53,096
Max, your tart was excellent.
The problem was your attitude.

325
00:16:53,263 --> 00:16:56,933
You showed no passion
of wanting to be in this school.

326
00:16:57,100 --> 00:17:01,229
And that is why you didn't get in.
It seemed like you didn't want it.

327
00:17:01,396 --> 00:17:04,149
No, no, no,
that's just my attitude.

328
00:17:04,316 --> 00:17:05,567
I act like I don't want anything

329
00:17:05,733 --> 00:17:07,444
because I never got anything
I wanted.

330
00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:10,905
But I do want to go to this school
more than I've ever wanted anything.

331
00:17:11,073 --> 00:17:13,075
It's my fantasy and my dream,

332
00:17:13,241 --> 00:17:16,244
and please stop making me use
these horrible, horrible words!

333
00:17:17,579 --> 00:17:19,581
Just let me in, okay?

334
00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:22,125
Okay.

335
00:17:27,922 --> 00:17:29,299
Wait, for real?

336
00:17:30,425 --> 00:17:34,262
Yes. I needed to see if your passion
was as good as your pastry

337
00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:36,098
and you just showed me it was.

338
00:17:36,931 --> 00:17:38,975
I'm thrilled to have you
on board, chef.

339
00:17:39,601 --> 00:17:41,478
Thanks, chef.

340
00:17:43,105 --> 00:17:45,273
Bebe is having a panic attack
and needs to hold her lemon.

341
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,650
Has anyone seen her lemon?

342
00:17:48,193 --> 00:17:50,612
Caroline, he let me in.
I'm going to pastry school.

343
00:17:50,778 --> 00:17:52,614
Everybody has to
call me "chef" now!

344
00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:53,990
You did it, chef!

345
00:17:54,157 --> 00:17:56,159
You're going to the pastry school
from the brochure!

346
00:17:56,326 --> 00:17:59,287
Aren't you glad
I looked at your porn?

347
00:18:01,289 --> 00:18:04,126
We're roommates. Both single.
Quelle surprise.

348
00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:10,673
So Max, once you fill out these,
you will be officially enrolled.

349
00:18:11,341 --> 00:18:13,301
And, of course, we will need
your tuition check.

350
00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:15,470
Yup. $3,000.
It's a lot for us.

351
00:18:15,637 --> 00:18:18,181
But if we make some cutbacks,
half-ply toilet paper.

352
00:18:18,348 --> 00:18:21,226
Who am I kidding?
No toilet paper, diner napkins.

353
00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:25,522
No, uh, tuition is $24,000.

354
00:18:26,148 --> 00:18:28,483
But the brochure said $3,000 a year.

355
00:18:28,650 --> 00:18:31,236
You misread it.
It's $3,000 a unit.

356
00:18:31,403 --> 00:18:34,697
There is eight units per year.
$24,000.

357
00:18:35,407 --> 00:18:39,702
It costs $24,000?
We can't pay that.

358
00:18:40,245 --> 00:18:42,205
Oh, my God, now I'm never
gonna be able to come here

359
00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:43,540
and I just admitted
I wanted to!

360
00:18:43,706 --> 00:18:46,501
I take back everything I ever said
about wanting anything.

361
00:18:46,668 --> 00:18:49,671
-Max, you can't just storm out.
-Your face can't just storm out!

362
00:18:52,174 --> 00:18:55,510
Look, I will do anything for
that girl to go to this school.

363
00:18:55,677 --> 00:18:57,554
In exchange for tuition,
I could work in the office.

364
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:59,681
Bebe clearly needs someone
to help take the pressure off

365
00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:03,185
and who better than a mentally stable
Wharton graduate like myself?

366
00:19:03,351 --> 00:19:06,229
But I'll do anything.
I'll even wash your floors, okay?

367
00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:08,231
Although I'm sure there's
something better than that.

368
00:19:08,398 --> 00:19:11,025
But if you need me to wash
the floors, I will wash the floors.

369
00:19:11,193 --> 00:19:13,528
Really would prefer
to do anything else,

370
00:19:13,695 --> 00:19:16,698
but I'll do it, 'cause I'll do
anything to get her into this school.

371
00:19:16,864 --> 00:19:18,866
Please no floors.

372
00:19:20,076 --> 00:19:23,746
Okay, I will talk it over with
my staff and I will let you know.

373
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:25,207
Oh, no, no.

374
00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:27,584
I've seen what happens when you
give people the "I'll let you know."

375
00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:30,086
I'm not going anywhere until
you let me know to my face.

376
00:19:30,253 --> 00:19:32,714
With your face.
Your beautiful, beautiful face.

377
00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:44,476
Max, we're not poor enough?

378
00:19:44,642 --> 00:19:47,562
You're starting a hobo
trash fire in our apartment?

379
00:19:48,771 --> 00:19:52,149
Yup. I'm burning my porn
and pastry school brochure.

380
00:19:52,317 --> 00:19:54,236
You know, all my fantasies.

381
00:19:54,569 --> 00:19:55,570
If I learned anything in life

382
00:19:55,737 --> 00:19:58,406
it's that nothing's more flammable
than my dreams.

383
00:19:59,741 --> 00:20:01,743
Are those my slipper socks in there?

384
00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:03,911
Yeah, those needed to die too.

385
00:20:04,454 --> 00:20:09,251
Well, while you were in our living
room hosting a Burning Man festival,

386
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:13,255
I was at the pastry school getting us
a work-study arrangement.

387
00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:15,089
And....

388
00:20:17,259 --> 00:20:19,594
-You're going to pastry school.
-No way!

389
00:20:19,761 --> 00:20:21,846
Here you go.
Your school uniform.

390
00:20:22,264 --> 00:20:24,015
This is where my name's gonna go!

391
00:20:24,181 --> 00:20:26,934
My chef name, Conchita Bonfire.

392
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:29,979
Thank you for this.

393
00:20:30,146 --> 00:20:31,439
And for everything.

394
00:20:31,606 --> 00:20:32,649
You don't have to thank me.

395
00:20:32,815 --> 00:20:36,152
'Cause with your new skills I'm gonna
use you like Kim uses Kanye.

396
00:20:37,945 --> 00:20:40,490
Or Kanye uses Kim. I'm not sure
which of them is winning.

397
00:20:41,699 --> 00:20:44,286
What kind of work-study
arrangement did you make for me?

398
00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:46,496
It's more of a work-study
arrangement for us.

399
00:20:46,663 --> 00:20:48,373
I'll be working in the office
helping out Bebe,

400
00:20:48,540 --> 00:20:50,292
so I'm working, you're studying.

401
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:54,128
You're working at my school?
Mom!

402
00:20:57,632 --> 00:20:58,508
(CASH REGISTER DINGS)

403
00:21:24,701 --> 00:21:25,702
(English US - SDH)